Oh, come on, you didn’t think I’d let this one pass, did you?  Knowing how I feel about the egotistical Roger Clemens?  Nope, not gonna happen.  I have to say something–even if it’s just…gag!  But of course, I have much more to say than that.

Roger, what the hell were you thinking?  A fifteen-year-old child, for crying out loud!  Are you that…icky?  That…scuzzy?  That…blech?  I mean really, were you so incredibly lost in your amazing self-love that you figured anyone was fair game–even a little girl?  I can’t even think of a name low enough to call you, but I know what my grandmother would say about someone like you–lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut.  You can’t get much lower than that.

I’m not into country music so I don’t have a clue who this Mindy whats-her-name is, but you better hope she’s not from the south.  If you’re lucky, she’s one of those faux southerners who came to Nashville to make her fortune spouting country songs in a fake southern twang.  ‘Cause I have to tell you, if she is from the south and she has brothers, your life’s not worth a plug nickel right about now.  Not that it was before this, but boy howdy, I’m telling you, fooling around with a young southern girl is not a bright idea.

Yeah, I know, I know, you were just good friends.  Uh-huh, sure.  Not likely, not with someone who thinks he’s God’s gift to the world and all the rest of us are just here to bow down to his greatness.  And please, don’t give me that BS about “innocent until proven guilty.”  I’m not buying that either.  

Oh well, at least you have no one to blame but yourself because I doubt any of this would’ve come out if you hadn’t been so convinced of your superiority to all us lesser humans.  I mean, how stupid was it that you filed that defamation suit knowing that you had this in your past?   Surely you didn’t think people wouldn’t find out and if you did, well, you’re even dumber than I thought.

The thing is…I worry about your wife.  You remember her, right?  Debbie, the woman you’ve been married to for years, the woman you had children with, the woman who stood behind you when your name surfaced in the Mitchell Report and when you testified in front of Congress, the woman who offered herself up to ridicule and shame just to save your sorry butt?  Yeah, her, Debbie, the woman who has stayed by your side–so far.

Listen up, Debbie, I know I’ve said in the past that you’re TSTL, but please, I’m begging you, grab some dignity, boot his sorry ass out the door, hire a shark of a lawyer, and take this moron for every penny you can get.  It’s the only way you’ll ever be able to hold your head up again.